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  • Writer's pictureMichael Weintraub

🌈How To Be A Good Ally🌈

Are you a cisgendered heterosexual individual? Are you sure? Okay. Do you have queer friends? No no I believe that you have a black friend, that’s not what I’m asking. No, you don’t need to tell me their name. Look buddy, let me just tell you how to be a good ally.

Be Sexist

Being sexist can be the best way to support your genderqueer friends when they’re having a tough time. If you have a trans femme friend who’s feeling down about current events, call her a bitch. If you have trans masc friends, gently remind them daily that all men are trash. When your friends call you out for being bigoted, you can assure them you’re not being transphobic, you’re being sexist–and affirming their gender while doing so!

Kiss them

You may not be gay, but they are. So throw them a bone and kiss them! Just a little bit, like only for five minutes. They definitely don’t already have a crush on you (since queer people never catch feelings for straighties), so what’s the harm! Go easy on the tongue though.

Take An “Am I Gay?” Quiz

Are you feeling different after making out with your friend? Like maybe you’ve had some sort of awakening? You should take an online “Am I Gay?” quiz, just to see what happens. You know, prove to yourself how straight you are. If you don’t take it then that's a little gay tbh.

Use Slurs

Some people make it their life’s mission to harass and invalidate the existence of others. There are many strategies to deal with homophobes, but one surprisingly easy thing you can do is call them cishets! Of course, that just means cisgendered heterosexual and isn’t derogatory in the slightest, but it sure sounds like a slur doesn’t it! Best part is they don’t know what it means, and will likely vehemently deny being one. At this point, you’ve checkmated them. Go in for the kiss.

Affirm People's Genders

If you have a newly out trans friend or know someone who is questioning, affirm whatever they feel most comfortable with, and ask them who they want to know. Go out of your way to affirm their gender with every chance you can. Not only will you make yourself better at remembering their new pronouns, but you’ll help them become more comfortable and accepting of themselves as they grow into the best version of them.




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