Hello and welcome to Times New Roman, Northeastern’s premier humor publication! Make yourself right at home. Here, take a seat. Can I get you anything to drink? Just some water? Okay. Ice or no ice? Okay, coming right up! Make yourself comfortable.

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Okay, here you are. One water with no ice for you and one with just ice for me. I’m on this new liquid free diet now, you know. Yeah, I started it after I saw it on Oprah. Thanks so much for visiting! It’s been too long. Too long. How’ve you been? How are the kids? Aw good, good. Well, let me show you around a little. Up at the top, you'll find social links and tabs for all of our sweet, sweet content. Right below here you can contact us... send us whatever you'd like. ;)

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What? Haha, I was just joking... humor publication and all... no, of course I don't have feelings for you, we're just friends! Hahahaha... where are you going... hahahahahahahahahaha...