By Willy Unterkoefler
You schedule a phone interview for 11:30am. They call you at 2:30pm. “Oh sorry, timezone mixup,” they explain. You are in Boston. They are in Boston. Their only office is in Boston.
You upload your resume to VMock. It highlights a typo in your phone number. You never told VMock your number.
You upload your resume to NUCareers. It asks you to name the document. You type “resume”. It asks you to choose a document type. You select “resume”. It asks you for a package name. You type “resume.” Later, you find a position and click Apply. You’re prompted to select an application package. There are 13 packages all named “resume”.
A co-op to work at NUCareers is posted. In addition to the usual NUCareers application, it asks you to also apply through their company website.
A software engineering position requests a cover letter.
You attend the Career Fair. You brought 30 copies of your resume, but employers keep giving you more . We’d love to work for you, they say. You look at their nametags. They all have your name. They all have your face. Accept their offer!
VMock flags the name of your previous co-op as misspelled. You know it’s not, but you google it just to make sure. You see an article about a tragic chemical fire at the building.
VMock flags your expected graduation year as inaccurate.
You apply to a co-op. The company responds.
The App Status of all your applications changes to Selected for Interview. Your phone starts to ring. It’s all of them.
You schedule a meeting with your advisor for Tuesday at 4:00. Her office is in Meserve Hall. You enter through Nightingale. You follow the signs toward Meserve. You follow the signs toward Meserve. You follow the signs toward Meserve. You see a janitor. You ask which way Meserve is. He says, “No Meserve Hall on Sundays. Come back tomorrow.”
Your roommate asks if you heard back from Spotify yet. You check your iPad for new emails. That’s weird. You don’t own an iPad.
You schedule a phone interview for 1:30pm. You get a call at 1:29pm. It’s VMock. You mistyped your number on your resume, they say. You quickly email the company with your correct number. The position has already been filled.
You’re selected for an on-site interview at Wayfair. When you arrive, the recruiter guides you to the basement. The floor is littered with scrapes of wood. She hands you a glue gun and tells you to build a table. This is not the part of the supply chain you thought you would be managing.
Your top choice rejects you. They said that they are going to go in a different direction. You meet with your advisor to discuss how to handle this bad news. She laughs and says not to worry, “There are no different directions, hun. Just down.” You start to sink.
After meeting with the manager, you’re given a chance to talk to the current co-ops. They come into the conference room and start undressing. Then they take your clothes off. The shortest one peels off his face and hands it to you. Your phone buzzes. It’s your advisor: Congrats on accepting a co-op!