After seven gripping days, the American Bullying Association (ABA) put to rest one of the biggest mysteries: the unknown woman described by media outlets as “Fat, Old, and Stupid” was determined to be Yo Mama.
“This wasn’t an easy decision, and we appreciate your patience,” Tyler Hendrickson, local bully at Hillsborough Middle School and Head of the ABA, said at the press conference announcing the discovery. “We wanted to be thorough and eliminate all possibilities, including, but not limited to, your sister, your aunt, your grandma, and your daddy. Our team has come together to give you an answer that Americans can feel confident about.”
The woman, who is reportedly large enough to warrant her own zip code, born far enough in the past to attend school with the prophet Jesus Christ, and intellectually compromised to the point as evidenced by her purchase of a solar power flashlight, has been reached out for comment at the time of publishing.